Who Needs Intelligence When You Got Common Sense?
by padme's sister
Summary: Rose may not be as intelligent as the Doctor, but she certainly has more common sense than he does...as he and Jack find out during a fun pub quiz. 10th Doc, Jack and Rose.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: Hey guys, this is just another of my completely pointless fics - because I like pointless stuff - and just to warn you, I wrote it in about ten minutes...so if its cack, thats why! Enjoy! **

**Oh and I also know that Jack isn't with the 10th Doc in the TV show, but this is my story, so I'm doing what I like!**

**Oh and damn...I didn't do the disclaimer...do I really need to? I think you know by now that I don't own Doctor Who, but my Doctor Who collection is rapidly increasing...so much so that I'm not gonna list all of it...I'm just gonna go play with my remote controlled Dalek and Sonic Screwdriver I bought at the weekend...Did I say that out loud? Oops!**

**oOo**

"Let's find out just how clever you really are," the Quiz Host said into the microphone as he looked around at the teams. The Doctor, Rose and Jack all sat in the furthest corner, arguing over something or other and apparently not noticing that the quiz was about to begin.

"Ahem...Team TARDIS, are you ready?" the host asked.

"Yep," came the Doctor's reply as he pulled the paper from Jack, laid it infront of him and put on his glasses.

"Who came up with our name?" Rose hissed.

"Oh Rose please, we've just spent the last ten minutes arguing over that! Can't you pay attention for more than five seconds?" the Doctor snapped, earning himself a packet of salted peanuts round the head from a now pissed off Rose.

"Ok, so if we're all ready, here's the first question. You are participating in a race and you overtake the second person. What position are you in?"

"First!" Jack and the Doctor said at once as the Doctor began to scribble the answer down.

"Second," Rose said.

"No, you'de be first," Jack corrected.

"Jack, if you overtake the second person and take their place, then you'd be second. If you overtook the _first _person, then you'de be first," Rose replied matter-of-factly, opening her packet of peanuts and flicking one at his head.

The Doctor thought about that for a moment as Jack tried to snatch the packet from Rose, then crossed out his answer and wrote down Rose's.

"Second Question," the host continued. "If you overtake the last person, then you are in what position...?"

"Second to last," Jack and the Doctor replied together, but Rose was shaking her head.

"It's a trick question," she explained. "How can you overtake the LAST person?"

"Damn...she's right," Jack muttered, so the Doctor scribbled down Rose's answer again.

"Third Question: Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.  
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is  
the total?"

"Erm, 5000?" Jack asked.

"4100," Rose replied, flicking another peanut at him. The Doctor didn't believe her so he pulled out his calculator and tried it.

"She's right again," he muttered. "How the hell do you know all these?"

"It's common sense really," Rose said, now taking a sip of her coke because Jack had confiscated her peanuts.

"Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono and a fifth. What is the name of the fifth daughter?"

"Nunu?" Jack guessed.

"Jack, did you not listen to the question?" Rose sighed. "The fifth daughter is Mary. He said _Mary's father _so Mary must be the fifth child."

"Smart-arse!" Jack snapped, causing Rose to choke on a peanut that she'd found up her sleeve.

"Okay, now the bonus round," the host said. "There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how  
should he express himself?"

"He just has to open his mouth and ask - so simple," Rose sighed.

"But why would a blind man need sunglasses?" Jack couldn't help wondering, not noticing Rose's hand sneaking into his pocket and pulling out her pack of peanuts again.

Half an hour later, the three of them were handed a check for £500 and the pub quiz trophy.

"I'll take that," Rose said, swiping the check from the Doctor, who howled.

"PAPER CUT!"

"You big baby!" Rose and Jack exclaimed together.

"Ok, what did you snatch the big evil envelope that only contains a little check from me for, cutting my finger in the process?" he babbled, sucking his finger.

"Huh?" Rose asked, confused.

"Why did you take the check?" Jack interpreted and Rose raised her eyebrows, flicking peanuts at them both.

"Because if it hadn't been for me, you two wouldn't have got any of the questions right." Then, seeing the disapointment on their faces and the salt in their hair, added "Come on, I'll buy us all a drink to celebrate."

"Now you're talkin'!" Jack and the Doctor exclaimed delightedly. "But no more nuts for you!"

Both realised what they'd said and cringed..."EWWWWWW! We didn't mean it like that! Because that would mean we had dirty minds...which we don't! Actually we're gonna shut up now and never talk again for fear of landing ourselves in even deeper trouble than we're already in!"

Neither were surprised when Rose emptied her remaining peanuts over their heads.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note: Ok, so I know this was only meant to be a one shot story, but then I heard the questions in this chapter and I just couldn't refuse. After all, how often do we get to see Rose beat the Doctor at his own game? Not enough! So here we go...this is Round 2, an the Doctor and Jack are determined to catch Rose out somehow.**

**Enjoy! (oh and do I really need to do a disclaimer? Nope? Thought not...you're smart enough to work out that I don't own Doctor Who, coz if I did, Rose would never leave, and if she really had to, she'd certainly never DIE!)**

**oOo**

Jack and the Doctor were still fuming about the fact that Rose had beaten them at the pub quiz, so once back in the TARDIS, they began plotting Rose's downfall to Thickvile while she took a shower to wash away the stench of smoke from the pub.

When she came back a few minutes later - dressed in a lilac dressing gown with a white vest and pale blue shorts (that were very short in the Doctor's opinion) - she looked at them and saw that they'd been up to something.

"What have you done?" she asked suspiciously, balancing her hands on her hips and raising her eyebrows at them.

"Just decided to see if you're really as smart as you say you are," Jack replied with a grin.

"I never said I was smart," Rose said. "It was just common sense that you guys needed. Most of them were trick questions anyway."

"Yeah? Well anyways, we've got a few more questions for you," the Doctor replied, holding up a piece of paper that had a Dalek doodle on it.

"Oops, wrong one," he muttered, swapping the paper with another bit that had very untidy scribbles all over it. "Bet you can't answer these ones," he grinned and Rose returned the grin confidently.

"Bring em on!"

oOo

They were all sat on the floor of the TARDIS console a while later, Jack and the Doctor side by side, and Rose facing them.

"Ok, first question - " the Doctor began pulling on his glasses. "How many letters are in the Dalek Alphabet?"

"I have no idea," Rose replied, and then a thought crossed her mind. "Oh, hang on..."

She looked towards the ceiling, as though deep in thought, and the tongue peeking out through her teeth confirmed that she was indeed thinking about her answer. At last she looked back at them triumphantly.

"16," came her confident reply and Jack's mouth fell open.

"You said she'd never get that one!" he hissed to the Doctor, who shrugged.

"Ok, next question," he continued, ignoring Jack's glare. "If it takes 1 Auton 10 minutes to fill a bath using both taps, how long will it take 2 Autons to fill the same bath using 1 tap?"

"Well," Rose considered. "It could either be twenty minutes or no time at all, depending on whether you've emptied the bath first."

"Bugger!" Jack exclaimed. "She's good Doc."

"Shut up Jack. She'll never get this one!" the Doctor replied, obviously annoyed that Rose was walking his test.

"What is deadly and invisible?"

"No Daleks," came Rose's reply and Jack kicked the Doctor's ankle.

"You said she'd never get it!"

"Well, what do I know! Apparently bugger all!" the Doctor sulked. He continued asking the questions, getting quicker and quicker each time - apparently hoping to catch Rose out that way instead.

"If a red house is made of red bricks, and a blue house made of blue bricks, what is a green house made of?"

"Glass."

"What starts with an E and ends with an E but only has one letter in it?"

"An envelope."

Damn she was good.

"What colour is the TARDIS?"

"Dark blue."

"What does the sign say at the top?"

"Police Public Call Box."

"Which of the doors has handles?"

"Both of them. The main door on the right and the phone door on the left."

"Which door has the lock?"

"The right hand door."

"Do the doors open inwards or outwards?"

"Inwards."

"How many panes of glass are in each window?"

"6."

"What does TARDIS stand for?"

"Time and Relative Dimensions in Space."

The Doctor was getting desperate now. He only had one question left and he was determined to catch Rose out.

"Raxacoricofallapatorius is the home planet of the Slitheen family, but can you spell it?"

"I.T," Rose grinned, knowing she'd beaten him.

Then she was up and running as both the Doctor and Jack jumped to their feet, shouting threats about not letting her get away with proving them wrong.

She shrieked and giggled as they chased her throughout the TARDIS for most of the night, before dropping down exhausted on the floor. Rose stood over them, calmly produced another pack of peanuts from her robe pocket and emptied it over them.

"Ok, I give up," the Doctor groaned, lying flat on his back, looking up at her. "Rose Tyler - you are the most intelligent person I've ever met - and that's saying something!"

"Why thankyou!" Rose grinned, extending a hand to help them both up. Then she left them to it and went back to bed, feeling totally satisfied with herself for finally beating the Doctor at his own game.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note: Ok so like I said before, this was only meant to be a oneshot, but I find it quite fun to write stuff like this and have decided to carry this on for a little longer. And yes, ok, forgot to mention that most of the ones in the last chapter can be found in the Doctor Who annual, so please forgive me! This one is purely one that I created - or rather perfected a little - after it circulated round my school for a while, years ago. It didn't make much sense then, but hopefully now it does.**

**Enjoy!**

**oOo**

The door to Rose's bedroom swung open again a few hours later and Rose groaned, burying her head under her duvet to try and block out the light.

"Go away," she muttered, but a few seconds later, the end of her bed dipped as someone sat on it. The duvet was dragged from over her head and Jack's face appeared instead.

"Jack, I said go away," she growled, trying to drag the duvet back from him.

"I know, and I will, as soon as you've answered this question."

"Oh not another one of those questions," Rose groaned, lifting her pillow from behind her head and pulling it over the top of her head instead.

"Yep, another one of those questions," Jack grinned, confiscating her pillow too. "Ok, so there's four people in a cabin, right? They're on a deserted island, but all of them are dead. They couldn't have starved because they are surrounded by crates of food. They couldn't have dehydrated because they are surrounded by the ocean, and they couldn't have been killed by dangerous animals because there is nothing else alive on the island - well they're not alive either, but you get my point."

"So whats the question, Jack?" Rose groaned.

"My question is, if they weren't killed by animals, lack of food or dehydration, then how _did _they die?"

Rose knew that this was one of those questions where the answer either jumped out at you right away, or you had to do some serious thinking, and in her current state, she had to do a lot of thinking. Seeing that she'd never get any peace until she gave Jack an answer, she abandoned the idea of sleeping and sat up in her bed.

"Were there any diseases on the island?" she asked.

"Nope, because there was nothing else on the island, so they wouldn't have been able to survive. Do you give up?" He asked hopefully.

Rose shook her head and began chewing her lip - a sure sign that she was thinking hard and trying to logically work it out.

"Ok, all possible causes of death have been ruled out," she muttered at last. "Except an accident. But they're in a cabin on a deserted island, so how would they have been involved in an accident?"

It was clear she was talking to herself, which Jack found highly amusing, but it would be Rose who had the last laugh, as she said at last "They died because they were in a _plane_ cabin, and the plane crash landed!"

"No way!" Jack was stunned that she'd managed to work that one out. "How...how did you work it out?"

"Well, I knew that the only way they'd died was during some sort of accident, as that was the only remaining explanation. Then I thought about how that accident would have happened if they were on a deserted island. This then made me think about _why _a cabin would have been built on a deserted island in the first place. You'de have needed a plane to fly the people in, and then it all clicked. Plane cabin crashlanded with crew on board killed them all," Rose explained matter-of-factly.

Jack just stared at her.

"Did you get any of that?" she asked.

"Just went whoosh," he replied, running one hand over his head.

"Like I said Jack, its just common sense - which you and the Doctor amazingly have little of," she laughed, then ducked as her pillow came whizzing through the air towards her. She snatched it up, jammed it under her head, dragged her quilt up over her head again and gave an almighty kick, sending Jack across the room.

"Now out! I need sleep!" she exclaimed, throwing her pillow at him and causing him to dive out of the door. However, she soon regretted this action, as now she had no pillow, and had to get up out of bed to retrieve it again.

"Typical men!" she grumbled, taking two short steps, leaping and landing back in the cozy confines of her bed, where she was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Note: Ok guys, here's the latest chapter for you...keep up the reviews, they're great! And I hope you keep enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writting it! Thanks.**

**Enjoy!**

**oOo**

The next morning, Jack pounced on Rose as she was emerging from the bathroom (dressed only in a towel), humming to herself.

"Seriously Jack! Enough with the questions!" Rose cried, dodging past him and running down the hall to try and escape the Captain, making sure she held tightly onto her towel as she did so.

However he soon trapped her in her room and beggan assaulting her with even more brain teasers that he'd been working on all night.

"LIVED is to DEVIL as 6323 is to...?"

"3236," Rose sighed, disappearing into her huge wardrobe to choose her outfit for the day. Jack resisted the urge to follow and continued with his questions.

"Which one of these five is least like the other four? Horse, Kangaroo, Donkey, Cow, Deer?"

"Kangaroo," came the reply from in the depths of the wardrobe as the towel was thrown out. Now Jack really had to resist the urge to peep inside.

"HAND is to Glove as HEAD is to...?"

"Hat."

"If you rearrange the letters "NAMYERG," you would have the name of what? An ocean, a country, a state, a city or an animal?"

There was silence from inside the wardrobe for a moment and Jack wondered if Rose had heard the question. Suddenly her head appeared round the door.

"Green or blue?" she asked, holding up two different shirts.

"Erm...blue. Green doesn't really match you're hair...if you were a brunette then I'd say green, but your a blonde - no offence - so I'd say blue," Jack decided, then realised that Rose had changed the subject without him realising. "Oi! Whats the answer?"

"Huh? Oh right, its a country," Rose said as she disappeared again.

"How did you know that?" Jack asked curiously, taking a seat on her bed.

"Spells out Germany."

"Ah I see..."Jack muttered. "Ok, erm...oh this is a really tough one," he grinned, pulling out a scrap of paper from his pocket. "The European Space Agency received three messages in a strange language from a distant planet. The scientists studied the messages and found that "Necor Buldon Slock" means "Danger Rocket Explosion" and "Edwan Mynor Necor" means "Danger Spaceship Fire" and "Buldon Gimilzor Gondor" means "Bad Gas Explosion". What does "Slock" mean?"

Again there was silence and Jack took this to mean that either Rose was pondering over the answer, or she couldn't decide what shoes to wear.

"Rose?" he asked after at least five minutes, when he'd still received no answer. "Rose, you still in there?"

"The answer's rocket," Rose said from the doorway to her bedroom and Jack fell off her bed in fright.

"Where the bloody hell'd you come from!" he cried from his new position on the floor.

"Oh sorry. I forgot you were still out here. Went out the back way," Rose replied. "Couldn't find my other shoe and thought the Doctor might have seen it." She held up a single pink trainer to emphasise her point. "You haven't seen it have you?"

"Your wardrobe has a back door? How big is that thing?" Jack exclaimed.

"My shoe?" Rose reminded him and he folded his arms, looking up at her.

"Ok, so you can answer some of the hardest questions in the entire universe that not even the Doctor and me can work out, yet you can't find a bright pink shoe thats under your bed?" he asked incredulously, pulling the trainer out and throwing it at her.

"Thanks Jack!" Rose cried in delight, grabbing the shoe and diving back into her wardrobe. A minute or so later, she emerged wearing shoes that were completely different.

"Now these questions. Do you have many more, or are we done now? Only the Doctor says there's this planet with five suns and cows with five legs that I really wanna see."

"You wanna see cows with five legs?" Jack asked in amusement, completely forgetting that he was about to complain about the shoe incident.

"Nope. I just wanna get a tan. Its got five suns, Jack! That means I'll tan five times as quickly!"

"Women!" Jack sighed, picking himself up off the floor. He did have more questions, but he really couldn't be bothered anymore. Perhaps the Doctor was right. It was easier to admit defeat than try and catch Rose out. She was just too smart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Note: Well here you go guys...a few months late, but never mind. Its the ending to a story that I really had fun writting. I would say there's going to be a sequel, but I'm afraid my idea bank has run dry for the time being. If, however, it refills sometime soon, then yes, there will bea sequel. Just don't get your hopes up yet. Sorry.**

**So here we are then, last chapter. And I hope it was a good ending, because I like the way it ends, but what I like and what you like could be two completely different things. Oh well, there's only one way to find out I suppose, so please read and review. Ta!**

**Disclaimer: The usual stuff really. I'm sure I did one at the beginning, so I don't need to repeat it, do I?**

**Well enjoy!**

oOo

"Ok Rose, you'll never get this one," Jack said when he found her later in the kitchen, making a chocolate milkshake. "You can't get this one, actually. I think I've finally found one that you can't answer."

"So fire away and lets see how wrong you are," Rose grinned back confidently, and her confidence threw Jack, but he ploughed valiantly on, none-the-less.

"Ok, so I'm loud but quiet and only the dead and the deaf can hear me. What am I?"

Rose actually paused, spoon hovering over her glass, as she contemplated this answer, and Jack felt a tiny stirring of hope. Was that a look of utter clueless-ness on her face? Or was it just her concentrating too hard? He hoped it was the first.

"Well?" he asked after at least ten minutes. "Answer?"

"I want to say silence, but...I dunno...that's just too easy...unless this is a trick question..." She caught sight of Jack's dumbstruck expression and grinned. "I'm right aren't I! The answer's silence!"

"Oh. My.God!" was all Jack could say. "I...how...you...oh my god! That's it! I give up!" He threw his hands up in the air wildly.

"Good," Rose sighed with relief, going back to her milkshake. "Does that mean no unexpected appearances with stupid riddles and questions at the most inconvenient times each day?"

"Yes. I give up. You are the wisest and cleverest woman I've ever met!"

"Well, you say that, yet have you noticed that I don't actually know half the things you and the Doctor know. Most of the stuff I know is useless knowledge," Rose replied, with a sigh, suddenly all serious and sad.

"Well, I suppose knowing how long an auton takes to fill the bath might just save your life one day," Jack contemplated, and Rose frowned.

"How?" she asked.

"Because then you'd know how long you had to escape."

Rose playfully hit him on the arm and he retaliated by grabbing it and tickling her mercilessly until she was reduced to a giggling heap on the floor.

"Say it!" he demanded as he reduced the assualt and allowed Rose to speak through her giggles.

"Say what?"

"Say that you're sorry for putting me and the Doctor through so much misery with these riddles!"

"Why should I be sorry?" she gasped as he increased the tickling again. "You started it!"

"And you carried it on, so you're just as much to blame," Jack grinned, increasing her giggles even more, this time by going for the spot at the back of her neck.

"No!" Rose shrieked as she wriggled and squirmed, trying to escape. "You git!"

The Doctor chose that moment to walk in and stood with his arms folded, watching the two wriggling about on the floor, both laughing their heads off.

"Ahem!" he coughed at last and both stopped, looking up at him. Then they both scrambled to their feet, looking rather disheveled and red from all the laughing.

"I hope I'm not interupting," the Doctor said, trying to hold the serious expression on his face, but finding it very hard.

"Not at all. Infact Rose has something to say to us," Jack said at last, flattening his hair again.

"Oh?" the Doctor turned to Rose expectantly.

"Yeah, um... I just wanna say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry you are two of the** worst losers I've ever met**, and can't handle the fact that you got **stuffed by a girl**!"

"OI!" Jack and the Doctor cried together, pouncing on her and pinning her to the floor, tickling her until she'd gone a deep crimson colour from laughing too hard.

At last, when they heard her gasping and trying to say something, they relented and allowed her to sit up and catch her breath. When she could at last speak again, she grinned at them.

"Guess what?" she said, draping one arm over each of their shoulders and pulling them in closer. "These past few days have been so much fun. Thanks so much. You're the best friends a girl could ever have." And with that she gave them each a quick kiss and got up, leaving them both open mouthed on the kitchen floor.

"You're welcome," they said at last, long after she'd left the room.

Finito...Finis...The End...


End file.
